Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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