is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize