I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
