I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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