Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
