I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
