How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
