This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
