So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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