There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
