ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
