can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
