somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
