fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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