My brain says no but my pants say off.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im holly from the hills drunk
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
