Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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