WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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