I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize