if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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