We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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