I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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