You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
