i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
