i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
