Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
