every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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