i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
