U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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