So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
