I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
