I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
