currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I will pee on everything he values.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
