when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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