i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
