fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
