is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
