im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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