So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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