My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
