Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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