I would go down on you faster than GM stock
honey bunches of taint.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
