I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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