hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
