You can't special order awesome
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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