Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
