K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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