my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
