I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
