we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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