I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dignity is for republicans.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
