Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize