I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
