Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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