She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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