This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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