party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
