I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
