I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i out mim tonsoeep
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