she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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