I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
