Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
